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The nightmare before Christmas

2772

We prepared you a holiday spooky festive article about the Global Funeral Care scam that decided to hustle $ 57 million to upgrade the funeral industry.

What it takes to spoil Christmas? Not that much! Kidnap Santa, craft sordid toys, put reindeer skeletons in a cart and fly to our festive, vibrant abode. Jack Skellington almost completed this mission. Yes, yes, Christmas is an excellent opportunity not only to watch “Real Love” and “Home Alone” again but also a legendary cartoon by Tim Burton.

Therefore, you may not even read this article but instead spend time with family, friends, and holiday TV shows. Besides, we will talk about an utterly creepy startup – Global Funeral Care.

The guys decided to raise some cash on funeral business. They start their whitepaper with a report of this business volumes.

Listen, when you talk this way about real estate, advertising or porn – it’s understandable. But about the future of your family and neighbors’ bodies, the growing funeral industry? Man, that’s fucked up. People have nothing sacred left.

It turns out that soon there will no place for you and us left at the cemeteries. A vampire won’t be able to find a spare crypt even on the full moon. Talking about Muslims and Jews it’s a complete waste because you need to bury them in 24 hours, and now it’s almost impossible!

But we have good news! Blockchain and Global Funeral Care will save the future of our remains. And here’s how:

Did you understand any of this? No? Do not worry we didn’t understand shit either 🙂

PRODUCT

When have found at least some specifics among the ashes of Mahatma Gandhi, John Lennon’s hair and Jeffrey Dahmer’s teeth, it turned out that guys are planning to make the base of all funeral houses in the world. And based on the request (location, service, price) of the potential client, automatically show them the best option. According to the founders, all funeral services will be cheaper than they are now. Why? Well, only God knows why, because of Blockchain.

Also, the customer will be able to buy all kinds of mourning supplies from retailers and wholesalers. There will be no commission if using the GFC token. Another token will interest those who want to advertise on the platform it will be free for them. WTF? That means that guys are not going to earn money on advertising, right? Why do we need to buy their shittotoken? Because they think it will grow? SEC, do you hear that?

Besides, investors’ money will be used to create the Global Funeral Care Academy. I already see their signboard, it says “Deathly Hallows.”

TOKEN

You think about ERC-20? Hell no! They promise to make their currency look like DASH. But only on their own Blockchain. We face this for the first time during the project. Guys decided to show some chic flex.

Explaining why they need a new token, they say that it can do great without a platform, and the platform without it – not. Also, Masternode owners will be able to use GFC to vote on all projects of the Global Funeral Care Foundation. Kinda new EOS dancing at the funeral of Ethereum.

But don’t be sad, Vitalik! All GFC tokens will be able to mine. And on sales of the startup they will sell the GFCS token (our favorite ERC-20). Then, someday they will exchange it at the rate 1 to 1.

Hard cap of this amazing project – neither more nor less than 57 million dollars. What for? Oh, the distribution of funds here is very poetic: to destroy the industry of the funeral business, go to the big exchanges and invest in marketing. How do you cryptocats?

Now gravediggers have no money at all on the Blockchain. Therefore, all work is going to start only after sale.

Github is dead like Fury after being knocked down by Wilder. But, unlike the dopest Irish, is questionable to rise again.

PEOPLE

The founder has only two companies where he has worked on the list. He was also their founder but they are long gone. Ashes to ashes.

CTO was on the team of the potential Force Network shitlike stock exchange. It also seems to be barely warm.

The developer has just graduated a Catholic college in Brazil. And didn’t kill anyone in the City of God yet.

And for a couple of months, SMO jumped high from an intern position to co-founder of a tourist linguistic startup. It’s almost as cool as to become a prophet being a carpenter’s son!

Dear Drakulas, are you also worried about the question: which of these handsome dudes is a priest, a grave-digger, and a Blockchain pro?

SOCIAL MEDIA

They didn’t start to run their social media yet. And the sale will begin very soon.

But the guys are still doing good. For real. Together they look like a late 90s death metal band from a small town in Denmark, where only dentists and farmers live. Thank you sincerely! You gave us the reason to laugh this holidays.